PLEASE STOP.

As in please stop the madness.  I'm writing this as I sip on some caffeine and getting prepared to do some Burpee/Pullup combos, Incline DB Chest Presses, DB Swings, and other fine moves.  Then I'm going to have a protein shake with some fruit and throw up.  Can I interest you in some awesomeness?  Just kidding. Anyway, there are things all over the place that are making me say, "please stop". I am going to vent them with who else?, the world.

1.  The Shake Weight.  Nuff said.


2.  The Shake Weight.  Nuff said. (I typed that again on purpose.  That's how much it gets on my nerves).


3. These so-called "cutting edge" exercises.  "It's crazy!  You hold this weight bar above your head with your left hand while doing bicep curls with the other hand while standing on a Bosu ball and you'll like... get an amazing core and stuff!".  If that's true, than you can call me "Beatrice, the trainer" for a month.

4.  I would love to have just $.01 every time I heard "chest" when I ask a guy at the gym, "what does your workout look like today?".  I would be somewhere in the Dominican Republic sipping on some fruity frozen drink eating fresh fruit and calling the hostess that brings it over, "Cookie".  Not because her name is Cookie, but because I would have enough money to pay her to allow me to call her "Cookie".  Work your back.  Work your legs.  Work something different for once.

5.  Infomercials...  Get rich overnight.  Get fit overnight.  Get sexy overnight.  It doesn't happen people.  I've been trying to bring sexy back since high school and I'm not even close. 

6.  Facebook.... I'm going to  ask your cow, "what did the 5 fingers say to the face?" and then slap your cow in the face in Farmville.  That's right.  I'll do something similar in Mafia Wars, too.  Now invite me to join.

7.  Lady Gaga.  OK, really.  I think I'll just make a bunch of noises in the shower and see if I can make a record.  Are you kidding me??  Ra, ra, romp boo bah... OVER... OVER ... AND OVER again?  This is called music?  Please explain why.

8.  These youngsters (ohhh crap.  Does this mean I'm old since I said that??  Ugh... I'll save that for a different blog post) and their cell phones.  Sure they're at the gym for 2 hours, but they only did about 20 minutes of actual lifting.  I guess they have to read their text messages like "LOL, OMW!  LBAY. LIC. L8RG8R." ... Please stop looking that up.  It means this--------> laughing out loud, oh my word!  Laughing back at you. Like I care.  Later Gator."  Yeah, I'm hip, what's up? 

9.  I'm sad that I had to look up those acronyms.  I guess I am old.  Worthy of posting?  Probably not.  But it's my blog and I can do whatever I want to.

10.  I can't remember the exact number, but in this economy, GNC reported record setting profits.  People are still looking for that "fat burner".  The best fat burner, in my opinion?, is at your local farmer's market.  They're called "fruits and vegetables".  Just sayin'.

- Mikey